I post this poem in honor of what would have been my grandbaby Clare Noelle's 1st birthday on December 13th.  We miss you precious little one.

A little background - my youngest daughter was on her honeymoon in Kauai when Clare passed away from Spinal Muscular Atrophy on January 4, 2013.  Her and her husband threw 22 pink roses (one for each day she was alive) into the ocean as a tribute to her.  She sent a picture of the ceremony and my husband captured it in a beautiful poem.

Roses for Clare


Every one of us believed

That it was only right that you should remain in our midst

That you should be allowed to grow and learn

And become the lifelong joy we were all sure we deserved

How ready we were to forget

That few events in an ordinary lifetime come with guarantees

We know now that this earthly life must have had little to teach you

That the powers that give, and then take away life

Had other plans for you

You were better than all of us

So tiny and fragile, yes, but courageous as well

Courageous in ways we ourselves had never been asked to be

We knew you were preparing to begin a new journey without us

And the wound of that realization is finally what helped us to see

That the fate that had been chosen for you

Was the fate you had chosen as well

For you had come into our lives to enlarge us

To help us to see what a gift life on this earth is for all to whom it is given

That no friend is expendable

To keep our loved ones close

That every day should be lived as if it might be the last

So we cast these roses onto the water

Twenty-two in all

To mark the days you graced our lives

Watching with tears in our eyes

As the petals drift out to sea

And disappear over the horizon

Your beautiful presence will always be with us

Beauty is never forgotten

And grows ever larger in the remembering

A Tribute to Natalie and Joel and a Farewell to Mikayla

Mikayla came into our lives when my newly engaged daughter Natalie (23 yrs old) and her fiancé Joel decided to take on the arduous responsibility of being foster parents to a cousin’s baby. The mother was having personal issues and the baby was going to go into the foster care system. We couldn’t let sweet little Mikayla go to complete strangers.

At age 12 months Mikayla was a very complacent baby that looked healthy physically. She was clean and adequately fed. Her demeanor was a bit detached (as I learned later, she was disassociating), but we figured that it would just take a while to acclimate to a new environment and new caregivers. What unfolded in the next few weeks and has continued in the last 8 months is pretty amazing. She blossomed! At first I thought that’s what a little consistency could do for a child. She had a routine at home and at the childcare center, she had regular nap times and bedtimes, and was offered healthy food on a consistent basis. All of which I’m not sure she ever had. But in addition to her physical needs being met, I realized that the transformation we saw was reflective of some other very important needs that were being met. They are the five critical emotional needs that Dr. Newmark outlines in his book How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children (see prior post for more information).

I saw my daughter role model saying please and thank you and treating Mikayla in a courteous and attentive manner. Mikayla saw other members of my family treating each other with respect and consequently she felt respected.

As most toddlers, Mikayla showed a very strong interest in wanting to do things herself, to know she had value and to be regarded as a useful individual. Natalie allowed Mikayla to make choices when possible like choosing which coat she wanted to wear and by helping out in the kitchen (she loves to put her own sippy cup away in the refrigerator). She also guided her to put her books and toys away. In doing these things, Mikayla felt important.

The responsibility of fostering Mikayla was mostly felt by Natalie and Joel, but my younger daughter, my son and his wife, and my husband and I all took turns watching Mikayla. We had to accept that at times she might disassociate because of her earlier experiences and we had to respect that and be patient with her. And because we did that, she felt accepted.

Almost from the very first day Mikayla began living with Natalie and Joel she felt included in the extended family. Whether it was a family birthday party, spending time with Natalie and Joel and their friends, going to the pool with Natalie, my younger daughter Laura, and myself or attending the Sunday family dinner, she felt a part of things and had a sense of community.

Lastly, Joel and Natalie provided a positive environment with some structure, some choices and where Mikayla could see that people care for each other. Mikayla not only felt safe and protected with them, she felt secure. Natalie and Joel are to be commended for the sacrifices they made and the love they shared. I am so proud of them both.

We are hoping that as Mikayla transitions back to her birth mother that she takes that sense of security, the feeling of being respected, accepted, important, and included along with her, and that she is able to persevere through whatever bumpy roads may be ahead (because there probably will be a few, as there are for all of us). We also hope that she remembers the family who gave her a foundation for future success in school, work, and life in general. We will surely remember the little girl that gave all of us the opportunity to love unconditionally and to make a difference in the life of a child.

She will always be in our hearts and we will miss our little Mikayla bear.

How To Raise Emotionally Healthy Children

“We envision a school where parents and teachers work individually and together to meet the emotional needs of children at home and at school.” Dr. Newmark

You’ve heard the old adage “parents are a child’s first teacher,” but next to the family, teachers have the greatest influence in meeting the emotional and developmental needs of children. This can feel rather overwhelming at times but in his book How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children, Dr. Newmark makes it just a little bit easier for those of us dedicated to providing the best experiences for children.

It’s no secret to educators of young children that emotional health provides the foundation for success in school, but it may be a surprise to some that the attention we give to the emotional health of children early on has an impact not only on school, but their work, marriage and life in general. That’s really powerful when you think about it!

In his book Dr. Newmark refers to the five critical emotional needs that all children (and parents for that matter), have. He says that if parents can recognize that their children need to feel respected, to feel important, to feel accepted, to feel included, and to feel secure, then, in the process, they will have their own needs satisfied too. The website emotionallyhealthychildren.org describes each of these needs in detail and offers other resources you can download regarding emotional health.

The book How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children provides powerful and practical concepts and tools that enable parents, teachers, and childcare providers to interact with children and with each other in emotionally healthy ways. Having this role modeled, children learn to interact with each other in the same way. Children that experience this type of support for their emotional needs will be more likely to become self confident, independent, responsible, caring, civic-minded individuals.

This perspective feeds nicely into my original goal of finding ways to develop the whole child, to allow them to learn traditional academics in a way that respects their inner being so that they can develop a good sense of self, with inner strength and a deep sense of purpose, a relatedness to others, and ability to problem solve. If we work with parents to meet the five critical emotional needs that their children have, together we will set the foundation for success in school and in life.

Teaching Connectedness

"The role of the teacher is to put the child upon the right road to his own perfection and encourage him to follow it, watching, suggesting, helping, but not imposing or interfering." Kireet Joshi

So what does it look like to educate the "whole" child as I previously referred to? First we need to integrate the two educational goals (self knowledge and world knowledge). Integral education begins with the inborn qualities of each child (curiosity, trust, love, self-expression) and introduces curriculum in the humanities, arts and sciences to help the child's inborn qualities take shape. If successful, this kind of integrated education will allow children to discover their unique life purpose. Now you might ask how that works in the early childhood classroom.

Where to start:
1. Focus on the process and not the product of an activity.
2. Notice when children have special interests and abilities and let them explore them more.
3. Ask open-ended questions which helps children to think creatively or outside of the box.
4. Provide hands-on experiences, projects and field trips.
5. Make sure the environment is a rich source of intellectual and creative inspiration, freedom of movement, and ample resources.

The goal then is for children to learn the more traditional academics within this kind of a classroom environment and to be responsible for their own happiness and emotions.

Please share any activity ideas or projects you have done with children that support this philosophy.

Being Connected

In this day and age, when you hear the word "connected" or think about "being connected," you more than likely think about being connected online or to some kind of multi-media device. But if you are like me (a true technophobe—it stressed me out to create this blog), you will be relieved to know that I have no intention of going in that direction. Instead, what I'm referring to by "being connected" is that feeling of being a part of something bigger. I strongly feel that in order to prepare children for the future, we need to incorporate a philosophy that lets them know that there is an interrelatedness, and that everything is intimately connected with everything else.

In the early childhood industry, we talk a lot about educating the "whole" child and refer to the four developmental domains: physical, social/emotional, cognitive and communicative. I think we need to step it up and not only look at the body, emotions, and mind, but include soul and spirit as well. We need to somehow unite the ancient educational goal of self-knowledge with the modern day goal of world knowledge.

I believe that every human being is essentially a spiritual being, or soul, who is born with a mind and body. I also believe that in order to help children realize their highest and true potential, we need to integrate these parts of human nature into the way we teach the children in our care. Miriam Mason Martineau, author and parent, raises the question, "Can we raise children that will not need to get over their childhoods?" I add to that question, “Can we raise children that will not need to get over their “school” hoods?" If we can help children in our care follow and develop a conscious and dedicated focus, it will become possible for them to not only succeed in life but also function to the best of their abilities and to manifest their full potential.

My goal then is to find ways to develop the whole child, to allow them to learn traditional academics in a way that respects their inner being so that they can develop a good sense of self, with inner strength and a deep sense of purpose, a relatedness to others, and ability to problem solve. In other words, I want them to be tapped in, tuned in, and turned on (as Esther Hicks so eloquently states it). And then maybe, they won't have to get over events that happened in their childhood.

It may sound like a tall order, but if we work together to educate teachers and parents, we can make it happen. Given this position, have you seen or participated in programs where this philosophy was implemented? How do you think we should proceed to make changes in the lessons we teach and the style of teaching we use? I welcome your ideas on how the early childhood community can offer this to children. Any suggested links would be greatly appreciated too.